The Sporting Rant: Brock Lesnar's Secret Origins Revealed!

People have referred to Brock as a genetic freak and the human answer to the dreaded Shrek ogre. What hyperbolic journalists failed to notice was that their obscene searching for obscure and exaggerated description of the cartoon-like athlete were closer to reality then they could have ever imagined.

Brock Lesnar was not mysteriously created in a lab, but neither was he raised in a Minnesota farmhouse like the quaint representation of the American small town myth likes to perpetuate.

Brock Lesnar was actually created in an artist's drawing room on the Disney production lot with a pencil and some crayons in the early 90’s.

Brock Lesnar is none other than 1991’s Beauty And The Beast villain, Gaston.

Sha. Right. As if we wouldn’t notice…

Well apparently “we” didn’t notice, only G-ranical noticed. But Cest la vie.

So yes, its quite apparent that Brock is demonstratively similar to Gaston in the visual sense but the good people at Disney were kind enough to even include a listing of Gaston’s attributes in a wondrous toe-tappin musical format which further make obvious the creepy connection between the two super alpha males.

Quotes like this are just giving it away, don’t you think?

"There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's”

And the duals tastes in women are on par as well. Gaston tried to court Belle while Brock courted Sae-Belle. (Sure Belle didn’t have a manufactured tan, abuse the use of high-end make-up, breast implants, or garner a centre fold in Playboy but the names are slightly similar in sound and that’s enough for me.)