People have referred to Brock as a genetic freak and the human answer to the dreaded Shrek ogre. What hyperbolic journalists failed to notice was that their obscene searching for obscure and exaggerated description of the cartoon-like athlete were closer to reality then they could have ever imagined.
Brock Lesnar was not mysteriously created in a lab, but neither was he raised in a Minnesota farmhouse like the quaint representation of the American small town myth likes to perpetuate.
Brock Lesnar was actually created in an artists drawing room on the Disney production lot with a pencil and some crayons in the early 90’s.
Brock Lesnar is none other than 1991’s Beauty And The Beast villain, Gaston.
Sha. Right. As if we wouldn’t notice…
Well apparently “we” didn’t notice, only G-ranical noticed. But Cest la vie.
So yes, its quite apparent that Brock is demonstratively similar to Gaston in the visual sense but the good people at Disney were kind enough to even include a listing of Gaston’s attributes in a wondrous toe-tappin musical format which further make obvious the creepy connection between the two super alpha men.
Quotes like this are just giving it away, don’t you think?
"There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's”
And the men’s tastes in women are on par as well. Gaston tried to court Belle while Brock courted Sae-Belle. (Sure Belle didn’t have a manufactured tan, abuse the use of high-end make-up, breast implants, or garner a centre fold in Playboy but the names are slightly similar in sound and that’s enough for me.)
Pro Elite, the parent company of EliteXC, Cage Rage, and King Of The Cage, is finally dead. God Bless America.
In passing, I would like to personally say goodbye to some of the more prominent members of Pro-elite. Goodbye scumbag boxing promoter Gary Shaw Goodbye internet "superstar" Thug Life Kimbo Slice
Goodbye rapper Jeremy Shaw(Son of Scumbag promoter)
Goodbye unsuccessful fight fixing(cough)"Sculpting" Goodbye Mauro Renallo and Frank Shamrock. Your obtuse hyperbolic descriptions and screaming will be missed. You will land on your feet somewhere. At least Mauro will.
Goodbye EliteXC. You were an infected period blood stain of disgrace on the fastest growing and most intensely spectacular sport around.
Goodbye ancient biased sports reporters using said stain to promote own ignorant and obsolete philosophical agenda through retarded ramblings on the death of morality and everything associated with MMA, on major sports network with highly rated show
As hardcore MMA fans have already known for some time, EliteXC has experienced an abnormal amount of controversy since it's creation, with the Kimbo/Petruzelli fight being the cumulative point of a years worth of shady referee calls and weigh in debacles. Here's a few other examples of the boxing style corruption that seems to permeate the promotion. 4)Gina Carano likes cookies - After EliteXC created a special weight-class specifically for Carano at 140lbs, she still managed to fail making the assigned weight on multiple occasions, the most recent of which left her standing nude while her father held up towels to block the goods. Carano, who already possesses a weight advantage on most of her opponents, was even given the luxury of fighting 4 pounds over the limit against Kaitlin Young during EliteXC's inaugural debut on CBS television. The promotion couldn't have their second biggest star sitting at ringside for the event so the fight was pushed forward with Carano giving up purse money to Young instead of forfeiting the fight. Shockingly(cough), the gigantic Carano was able to finish Young via bludgeoning and then referee stoppage in between the second and third round. 3)Beauty and the Beast - Former UFC Heavyweight champion and MMA superstar KO artist Andrei Arlovski was heavily favoured to beat relatively unknown and former IFL heavyweight champ Roy Nelson on EliteXC's second televised event on . Nelson, who despite resembling a pot belly pig, was able to take Arlovski down and gain a dominant side control position before attempting a submission. To the dismay of the fans and especially to EliteXC, who had brought Arlovski in as part of a new partnership deal with the Affliction promotions(another competitor of the UFC), the October 4 card was beginning to look like a nightmare.
After releasing the Kimoura submission yet still maintaining dominant side control, Nelson was stood up seconds later by the referee in what can only be described as a disgustingly obvious and pathetic attempt to allow Arlovski to win the fight on the feet(which he did).
2)Kimbo is exposed - May 31st, 2008, Kimbo Slice is given a punching bag of an opponent in James 'The Colussus" Thompson who sports 6 losses of the last eight, and two wins against opponents far past their primes(Don Frye fought in UFC 8 in 1996 at the age of 31...).
Unfortunately for Kimbo and EliteXC, James Thompson has been working with famed UFC star Randy Couture and has come into the fight with a game plan; avoid Kimbo's strikes by taking him down.
Controversy first reveals itself in the 2nd round when Thompson has ultimate-super-dominatrix-time-to-finish-the-fight-dominant control by positioning himself in side control while holding Slice's arms down with his leg and delivering repeated blows. Kimbo has no response to Thompson's strikes as he is stuck against the cage and pinned to the mat, yet referee Dan Miragliotta allows the fight to continue until the round ends thereby saving Kimbo from well earned defeat and stealing a victory from Josh Thompson.
In the third round as both men come out stiff legged, wobbly, and barely able to stand from exhaustion, Kimbo delivers a few punches that cannot have much power on them in his depleted state, but Dan Marri-go-round-gillota decides that Thompson has had enough and unceremoniously ends the fight in absurd fashion as both men totter in standing position. Not to be outdone, Thompson who is still on his feet because he has not been knocked down by Kimbo's lackluster punches, pushes Mrs. Mary away by the face. The MMA world is not only shocked, it is embarrassed at the bias shown in the fight and thoroughly disgusted with everything that has to do with Gary Shaw's EliteXC.
1)Maybe the Dingo ate my Kimbo, Maybe the Dingo ate the Shaw's baby - After Kimbo is dropped to the mat with the softest half jab from Petruzelli who throws the punch on one foot, Jared Shaw is seen in the background screaming at the ref that Kimbo is being punched in the back of the head, clearly revealing the bias the company has in wanting Kimbo to win. MMA fans around the world laugh in disgust at Shaw's actions.
After embarrassing himself so thoroughly, Shaw had this to say to MMArated.com:
The day after knocking out the infamous Kimbo Slice, Seth Petruzelli went on an internet radio show where he stated that he was paid extra money to stand with his opponent instead of taking him to the ground, where, as everyone knows, Kimbo is the weakest at and most likely to lose.
Of course, instead of getting lit up by the uber-popular and flagship star of EliteXC, Seth Petruzelli KO'd Kimbo Slice in embarrassing fashion in just 14 seconds as a relatively unknown journeyman, thereby completely destroying Slice's image as a iron chinned street thug, and flushing away EliteXC's biggest star.
Upon hearing about Seth Petruzelli's comments, Dana White had some choice words for his "competition" and their practices. What is said next is nothing short of hilarious and viewer discretion is advised(He's Dana Fucking White after all).
American Gladiator and MMA star Gina Carano found herself exposed Friday as she tried to make the 140 lb weight limit for Saturdays EliteXC fight card on CBS. After revealing the goods and further de-juicing in the sauna, Carano made the allowed 141lbs.
Apparently the same assets that helped Gina become so popular(thick thighs and large boobalies) are also the reason she has trouble making the assigned weight.
Does this mean I advocate future sabotage of weight cutting with twinky espionage?
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